Feel It. Understand It.Don't Be Ruled by It.

"Emotional intelligence is not about suppressing how you feel. It's about choosing how you respond."

You're in a meeting. A colleague says something dismissive. Your chest tightens. Your face flushes. The words in your head are not suitable for a professional setting. What do you do with that? This is where emotional intelligence — often called EQ — becomes one of the most powerful tools you can develop.

What Emotional Intelligence Actually Means

EQ is not about being calm all the time. It is not about suppressing how you feel. Emotions are data. They tell you something important about your values and your boundaries. Emotional intelligence means you can identify what you're feeling, understand why you're feeling it, and choose how to respond — rather than just react.

The four pillars of EQ are self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. Each one can be learned and practised.

"Growing up, I was told 'don't be too emotional.' As a Black woman in a corporate setting, I took that literally and shut everything down. Learning EQ taught me the difference between suppressing my emotions and regulating them. That shift saved my career and my relationships." — Community member, London

The BME Experience and Emotional Labour

Many people in BME communities carry a heavy emotional load. The daily experience of microaggressions, code-switching, racial fatigue, and family pressure creates a constant emotional undertow. Then we're told to "leave emotion at the door." That's an impossible ask — especially for those whose very identity is regularly questioned at work and in public life.

Understanding Your Emotional Reactions

Before you can manage your emotions, you need to understand them. That starts with noticing. What does anger feel like in your body? Where does anxiety sit — chest, stomach, throat? When do you feel most calm? Most triggered? These aren't soft questions. They are the foundation of self-mastery.

Empathy — The Other Side of EQ

Empathy is the ability to understand another person's experience — even when it's different from yours. It doesn't mean you agree with them. It means you make space for their reality. Developing empathy means slowing down your assumptions. Asking questions instead of making judgements. Listening without already preparing your rebuttal.

Practical Ways to Build Your EQ

❖   Name the emotion, not just the situation. Instead of "that meeting was awful," try "I felt dismissed and embarrassed in that meeting." Specificity builds awareness.

❖   Pause before you respond. Create a gap between stimulus and response. Even three deep breaths changes the chemistry of how your brain processes a moment.

❖   Identify your triggers. What situations consistently set you off? Knowing your triggers means you can prepare for them — and choose differently.

❖   Ask "what might they be feeling?" This simple shift opens up enormous understanding in relationships.

❖   Journal after difficult interactions. Write about what happened, how you reacted, and what you would do differently. Review it a week later with fresh eyes.

❖   Seek honest feedback. Ask someone you trust: "How do I come across when I'm under pressure?" You may be surprised by what you learn.

In environments designed to keep BME people on the back foot, emotional intelligence is a quiet form of power. It means you don't take the bait. You don't escalate when de-escalation serves you better. You hold your own without losing yourself. This week, pick one interaction where you'd normally react quickly. Notice what you feel. Name it. Choose your response. That's EQ in practice.